Mea Culpa

Sometimes, I am puzzled at those who feel that I should not be me.  Have any of you encountered those who don’t care for parts of your character, cannot shut their trap about it and want you to change?  So like Toni Braxton sang‘I Apologize’, today, I’m ready to do the same.  Apologize I mean, not sing!   :)  Perhaps there may be something on this list that speaks to YOU.

Sorry that I am:

Not a chameleon:  can’t keep on changing just to please you and you and you!  Have tried and don’t like it.  Successful people never apologize for being themselves!

Not in this world to make you feel good all of the time:  now I’m not saying that I don’t like to be an asset to every type of relationship of which I am a part, but truly it’s not my job to be a clown/psychiatrist/absentee adult child all of the time.  If you cannot afford any of these, try writing on Face Book or Twitter – cheapest comedy I’ve found to date.

Taking care of my needs:  that’s one thing we women, don’t do well enough, that is, take care of our needs.  Even as a woman with no family, I still find myself going out of my way to take care of those around me.  Since we live in community I do believe that we must be our brothers’ keeper but often I forget my needs for months till they well up and demand attention.  I am beginning to wonder who really needs this 'overcaring', me or them.  Just in case it is me, it’s time to quit, cold turkey!  Time to take better care of me.

I apologize for being:

Larger than life:  I’ve had enough of making myself small in mind and body so that the world will be comfortable.  Claiming smallness has not gotten me anywhere.  I am throwing back my shoulders, opening wide my arms; taking up space!

Brighter than a button:  Fell right into the trap of believing that I was not smart, but deep inside, smart was whispering and is now ready to bust out!   What I know, I know well and it’s time to show it.

A speaker of my own truth:  Can only say it like it see it.  Often I have not said it at all, just to please.  While I never ever intend to cause pain by my words or actions, it’s time to get off the eggshells.

I’m really sorry for:

Finally, recognizing my worth:  In all truth, I have never measured my worthiness by other people’s terms, but, I have let other people’s measure, over-ride mine many times.    O’ there are a few who boost the old ego at times, yet my brain had become mired into seeing me incorrectly.  Think I need to start using the elastic band technique: one snap each time I fall into looking at myself  and feeling guilty or uncomfortable for not measuring up to public standards or being afraid to say that I am worth lots more than what I charge. Time to stop that crap!

Wanting more:    I,  like most of us on the planet do indeed desire, the house, the car, lots of money and the knight in shining armour (yow!  The armour is rusty)!   I haven’t pursued that efficiently, but more than that I want to use my talents and receive the respect, recognition, and admiration.    Shyness has always kept me back so this one is definitely a ‘bucket list’ one.

Sharing  my wisdom:    I’ve always been in awe of older individuals, especially older women who seem to say whatever they want and aren’t too worried about your reaction!  LOL!  The beauty of getting older is that I have  indeed collected  quite a bit of valuable information that I pass on from time to time with the knowledge that it may not be used immediately but as those listeners age, they may just remember my words.

Since  women are socialized to be the gentle ones, the fairer sex, the care-givers we often end up doing the things that plain tuckers us out and in our mind’s eye puts us in a negative light.  That often leaves us as the victim: the ones who others feel sorry for, it may also make some uncomfortable putting them on the offensive role AND more importantly our competency may be questioned.  These difficulties may affect us in business or in private life.   None of that I say!

Human beings are such wonderful creatures, that it makes me think that our Maker must have a bit of ADD. He has made each of us to shine; to look differently depending on how the light strikes us.  So let your light shine darlings!

LOL!  Gosh, I feel so much better for apologizing!  (tongue in cheek )  Stay strong!

Until,

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