"And Still I Rise"
I am using the words of Maya Angelou to name my post today and you shall see why as you read on.
It's been such a long time since I have communicated through this blog. Hello! How are you? Actually it's been a while since I've communicated with anyone because I was concentrating on completing the draft of my thesis plus trying to work during Budget preparation and presentation and close of financial year. Whew!
Suffice to say something had to give and that was me and my thesis. While I submitted my draft in time, I am now asked to do a whole new construct! Yuh mean to say, yuh didn't observe that all the time I was writing and submitting?" "Augh!" I guess this is what writers go through with their editors. Plus when you are nearing victory, the devil always interjects and for me that comes in the form of depression. I really have been fighting depression for more than 18 months as I have indicated from time to time. Well, it is back with a force, with anger and despair and illness. Your girl is battling it though through prayer and hope and medication for an ulcerated stomach and lungs that are not working well.
True some have felt my rudeness because this is a battle I must fight in my own way. I really do not want to hear your issues because it simply seems like more weight on my shoulders. I don't want to hear about the many murders, corruption, dirty and over-grown places: sites of growing Aedes Egpti harbouring dengue and chikungunya, schools needing repair, flooding, unemployment, no money for plenty people and plenty money for few people, Dr. Wayne Kublalsingh and his fasting quest and all the business of living because it is just not flowing off of me. I am tired of doing the same thing: listening to quarreling at work. I am tired! If I could peel off my skin and start anew. I am of the belief that this peri-menopause thing: this reduction in hormones is playing a part in my mood changes. Have you noticed this in yourself or your friends or in your wives and female companions OR is it just me? (smile). For me it can be pretty scary at times. I once had a boss who would just seem to fly off the handle and I would watch in amazement thinking " so this is what peri-menopause and menopause does to you".
With all that said, I wake up each morning so the Lord is not yet ready for me. It seems I've got work to do yet, therefore I shall do as Proverbs 24:16 states; it is time to rise up yet again! Of course, I begin my rise by doing one of my favourite things which is cooking and baking!
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| Lemon loaf without glaze |
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| Bread with wheat and coconut flours and whole oats |
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| What a breakfast! Fresh home-made bread and store-bought cheddar cheese |
This is also the month of Mary, (I'm Catholic) so I've been praying the Scriptual Rosary and fasting which seems to be making the periods of despair less. I have also been enjoying God's beauty and boy does he ever make things of beauty for us to discover, all the time.
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| Spider on orchid flower |
Found this clear spider on the orchid flower. I'm not sure if it is an albino or just a see-through spider and it has an unusual face, that of a skull-like mask, much like the phantom mask. Took a picture of it but it is not clear enough to share with you. Does anyone know the name of this arachnid?
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| Moth found at Raphael Terrace, Diego Martin, Trinidad |
In the early dawn, I saw this beautiful moth, just sitting there on mat. Its wing pattern was so intricate that I took some time to admire it. The picture does not do it justice. Thought it was dead but as I touched it, it flew off and was it ever beautiful!
I try to keep these things of beauty in mind, when the "black dog" edges near. O' yes, I also found a snake in the yard and I was told that it was a dangerous one (as if there is a snake that is not dangerous). That photo although taken by someone else would not be put onto this blog by me, because I am afraid! LOL! Yes, I am afraid of them even in pictures!
What gives you a sense of accomplishment, when the goals seem so far off?? Share your inspiration? How do you lift your spirits when the soul feels near death?
Until,
Just remembered: Remind me toshare my wonderful time at the Trinidad and Tobago Film Festival 2014.Such good films Siddharth, Mother of George, Creole Soup, A Boy's Choice, The World of Goopi and Bagha, The Price of Memory, The Cat's Death (too funny), All About the Feathers, Legends of Ska: Cool and Copasetic. Believe me, I got square eyes in September from watching some really good movies.
I have been waging my own battle with lack of accomplishment in the area of my business these past few years but my spirit really soars when I look to the hills and find them deep green and lush like today or I look out on the Central plains in all their differing moods.
ReplyDeleteI feel really accomplished :)) when I notice my plants that were re-planted blooming beautifully, when my experiments in the kitchen actually are worthy of second helpings:0).
Beautiful pics lady ... just like you. Never doubt that.
ReplyDeleteGod don't make junk!!!
Hi Jin Jin,
ReplyDeleteSorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you. I have been ill with a sinus infection that has me feeling a bit debilitated. I wanted to reflect on your strength, drive and courage to continue your life journey. Your faith in God is so evident and he shows you that he is Omnipotent. Please continue with your thesis because it is so important to you and will pay off in the end. You made me so hungry with the pictures of the scrum delicious cooking of yours. Take good care and I will write a mor coherent message soon.
Love you
Heather