Mindfullness

Yesterday, I was told my someone whom I respect and care for a lot, with all good intentions that I had too many things up in the air, that I was in fact wasting my time being in Trinidad and Tobago, that studying at my age would not make a significant dent in my career because I was too old to find work!  What a downer!  

When I asked how my problems should be solved,   i.e. can you suggest a different way of job-hunting, do you know of a place that I may rent very cheaply, do any of your friends wish to take in a sweet 4 year old dog, how to I pack up, sell all my articles, study and go to class at the same time whew…there was no response, no suggestion, no solution.   It made me very, very angry, and extremely depressed because I think that the only alternative that was left open to me by that individual was suicide.  I ranted and raved in my house because yes, I am between a rock and a hard place and the rock it has crushed me!  I decided yesterday evening that I need to stay far away from persons who cannot offer positive solutions to my problems and who readily see the negative in everything.  Away with them! 

Two weeks ago, a young woman with a small family and large dreams spoke to me asking the question, “What should I do?”  Her superior had once again lambasted her performance with words such as “incompetent, not deserving of this job and the large salary you command, have no idea how to write well.”  When I asked if suggestions to improvement were given, my young friend indicated to the negative.  These useless words, and yes, they are useless since they have not helped the individual to grow, broke this woman’s self-confidence so severely that the right side of her body stiffened, her blood sugar climbed to dangerous levels and she succumbed to flu with all its attendant symptoms.    I had cause to remind her that there were others who approved and lauded her work and to point out that we live in a world where a lot of people only know to how to build by first breaking down.  They do not have the ability to look at what may be broken and see the beauty in it.   I also offered some practical advice. 

Carrying the words of woe uttered to me, over to this morning, I began to wonder if I speak words of despair to others.  O’ I know my life at this time is a sorrow, so most of my words about myself would not necessarily invigorate anyone but what I am querying is whether or not I quell anyone’s dreams and goals by how I interpret their dreams and hopes?    Do I say ‘impossible” or do I say “go for it!”  “I've got your back, how may I help?”  I hope not.   I'll have to ask a few folks.

I try not to speak unless I have something good to say to someone, so I tell people when I believe they look special.  I say 3 cheers to those I know, who are boasting of their children and grandchildren for the 100^th time.  I try to tell the sick and the aged of the joy they bring to my life, rather than complain that I am tired of hearing about their aches and pains. I am happy to know that my neighbours at advanced ages are achieving their goal of home ownership; I really am happy for them!

Words are really important and can indeed like sticks and stones, break the bones of optimism and confidence and joy in oneself.  Watch you words!  Decide to tell someone, something good today.  Decide not to bring negativity to your words today.  Phew!  What a task but I believe it can be done if I practice mindfully.   I plan to practice all day long.

Until,