Strong Woman

For the past year, I've been out of work. I commiserate with all who have found themselves in a similar position. I never imagined that I would not be able to find work for 14 months. It's actually horrifying and showed me that a job is indeed one of the anchors of life.

Last week, someone sent me a text in which she said that I was a strong person. I was pleased to receive that message and it got me to thinking about the way that others see me and how I see myself. I've never thought of myself as a strong individual but upon reflection I've survived a lot. True there are times when the going gets rough, I feel that it would be better to commit suicide but then the next day or the next hour something or somebody comes along who makes life seem bearable once more. My musing also got me to look at the things that have kept me on solid ground for the past year. In no special order, here they are.

OPTIMISM - believing that each day would bring a job, companionship, growth.

CONFIDENCE - believing in myself and seeing the world as beautiful.

FRIENDS - connecting with old friends, making new ones and being curious to what is going on in their lives. Where would I be without friends?

BEING STINGY IN FINANCE - I've limited myself on the things that I can and cannot do - only the basics. But it has meant that I can still stand on my own two feet and that makes me feel very proud.

PLEASURE - Enjoying the good things in life from time to time. I've treated myself to a jazz (my weakness) concert or two and even taken a holiday in Tobago with 2 very dear friends. Did I have to tighten my budget to do these things? Yes. Was it worth it? YES!

TALKING TO GOD - Sometimes ranting and raving to God. Always in communication, praising Spirit, trusting Spirit. When my last job was near completion many of my colleagues would ask me "what next, Jeannelle"? My stock response was "God feeds the birds and I am a very big bird". So said, so done.

ACCEPTING THE GLEANINGS - From being told by Spirit to read Ruth, I've understood that the gleanings can keep me alive. So I have heartfully thanked my God for 6 weeks of work, 2 weeks of work, 2 small typing jobs.

GIFTS - I have humbly accepted all the gifts that have come to me. Gifts have come from those I know who cannot afford to those who can buy material things until it overflows. The overtures have truly humbled me and at times have made me know that there is indeed "wind beneath my wings". Money has come from those who truly cannot afford so I acknowledge their sacrifice. My aunt allowed me to use her old car which safely took me from place to place. Someone else knowing that I liked tea took the time to gift me with a special brand. One neighbour has fed me frequently, even when I did not need food. I know I'll never lose a pound if she keeps this up! Other neighbours have allowed me access to the internet each and every day. Yet again there are gifts given which are less tangible but so important. The gifts of time and listening.

GIVING TO OTHERS - Where I have had, I have lent. Where it has not been re-paid, I have moaned my disappointment in the individuals but not the loss of the funds because I knew that Spirit would provide. I cleared out my cupboards every once in a while knowing that I had too many clothes, dishes, books, perfumes, shoes, etc.

DREAMING - Now this has been a hard one for me. I am not a dreamer by nature but they tell me that dreams help you reach your goals, so I practiced it and am still working on getting , this dream thing right, according to my standards.

Every time, I apply for a job I imagine myself giving of my best in my nice business suit, with just a hint of makeup, and a great warm smile on my face. LOL! I even feel the emotions that the challenges and triumphs bring!

I dream of a loving relationship where not only sex is offered to me but companionship and understanding and sharing. A relationship where my offerings are equally desired.

I dream of travelling to other countries and in each country attending a cooking school where I learn the culinary aspects of the culture.

READING THE BIBLE - For a long period I've wanted to get into a study of the Bible. I am of the Catholic faith and if there is one thing said about we Catholics is that we do not know the Bible. I found that not to be totally true in my case. I know lots from the Bible but to be honest I cannot quote your chapter and verse.

I finally found someone who was eager to continue her learning in this fashion. She and I now share this yearning. I have seen that indeed the Bible does speak to real situations and that it forces me to bring the writings into the contemporary so as to learn from them.

So my strength has come in many forms and I know that some day I shall look back on this time with a smile. Tell me, what gives you the power to be a strong woman or a strong man?