THINKING THURSDAY

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Sometimes, I sit and simply chuckle at things in my life.  Here it is, in my “old age” men want me!  Me, who for years saw no physical or mental attraction in me.    Heh, it couldn’t get better than this!  Yeh, I think it can.  Now here is the story.  

There are 4 gentlemen after my body.  O’ don’t stiffen your back at my wording since it is truth.  The ultimate gain for a man, in this here Trinidad and Tobago is a bit of sex.  After a while they may realize that they have gained more in the relationship but initially the thought patterns only relate to sex.  It seems to blindside them to any other more valued gains that may be evident.  It’s an ugly truth. So here it is 4 gentlemen have decided to knock on my door and declare their feelings.  Lord, did I ask for this?  Give me strength.   Now I do not consider myself a snob or feel that I am better than the other person yet to make this conversation flow well, I shall call the gentlemen Poor, Poorer, More Poor and Poorest.  You can see from off the bat, why I’m not too excited.  Some of these boys, sorry men, are not only poor financially and also educationally and intellectually.  It’s a difficult game and I try to be polite.  Folks tell me that I should be glad that at my age, men are still attracted.  I find that statement puzzling since I know and have know for a while that indeed I am attractive and  I further acknowledge aging every day just like those commentators.   

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Being very aware of my loneliness these days you would think that I would “jump on the bandwagon”, so to speak, if you want to call it that.  But I am not jumping on anything.  So instead of writing my paper (truly, I’ve picked the wrong topic), I sit drinking my coffee and wondering why I am so hesitant in getting to know any of these gentlemen. True, they and the church rats could be friends, in terms of their wealth accumulation, since I am sure that none of them have crossed the threshold of a church, mosque, mandir, etc., and a couple of them I would not go out with for drinks with friends, but all things being equal, there is also a gentle side and a funny side and a kind side to them (some or all of the attributes being applicable to some or all).   I have come to the conclusion that the main reason I ain’t interested is because all of these gentlemen want me to show them a level of  trust and respect  such that they are comforted which they themselves are not prepared to show me.   

Revelation!  So simple.  Here it is that Poorest can tell me unhesitatingly that he is confident that I would share any of my resources with him.  Yet when I ask Poorest to simply rub my hand where it hurts, he says no.    I am deemed a bully when I respond to that negativity by saying that someday Poorest may wish something from me and I may just be unwilling to give.  The level of trust and respect that the goodly gentleman wants from me such that he feels comfortable in our relationship he is not willing to give.   

Poorer, the crazy dear, was my” telephone love” calling frequently, getting very upset when I told him that I need no gifts and take care of myself as best as I can.  He insisted on giving “a set of talk” promising me a car week, after week, after week, insisting I look for a house not above $TT4Mn  and each Friday calling to let me know that he would be dropping off a bit of week-end spending money.  Of course none of this ever materialized and when it slipped through his lips that he had a wife in another island way off to the north and I let it “slip” that I had a ‘friend’ right here in Trinidad and not in south, his phone calls have stopped.  Alas.  The level of trust and respect that the goodly gentleman wants from me such that he feels comfortable in our relationship he is not willing to give.   

Now Poor, I could have gotten to like and since he is a hard-working entrepreneur, my brain could perk up at the ambition.  But it is a good thing I did not commit my heart since Poor finding that I was way too slow in responding to his ministrations found his answer elsewhere, yet is continual in his exhortations that I break my moral code!  Poor keeps on telling me that after we copulate, if it was as good for him as it will be for me, then we can get to know each other on the intellectual level.  I tell him that once he entices my brain, the other parts may just be enticed also.  He shall not be back.    As you see the level of trust and respect that the goodly gentleman wants from me such that he feels comfortable in our relationship he is not willing to give.    Ha!  Ha!   Jeannelle Jack--- is not written across my forehead.  You see why I always have to ask God “why yuh pick me for this crapola”?     

Coming to More Poor now he is so kind as a means to an end it seems.  More Poor will perform any task that I request and sometimes you do need that male physical strength to perform some jobs.  More Poor suddenly became impassioned one day and declared his love for me!  I ask God, “What I do to get this lucky”? Mind you, I pay More Poor for all jobs he does for me.  I do not wish More Poor to tax his brain in devising a payment plan to which I would not be comfortable.  More Poor tells me of his plans for us to live “happily ever after” and I tell More Poor clearly that will not occur since we are “unevenly yoked”.   More Poor asks me “whey yuh mean by ‘unevenly yoked’”?  Lord, give me strength!  More Poor tells me that after years of observation and being the recipient of my usual mannerly greetings he has realized that I am the woman for him, that I can teach him the ways of life!   When I tell More Poor that he needs to stop calling because all we shall ever have is a business relationship More Poor gets very angry and conveniently forgets that I offer a job for which gets cash in hand for performing the related tasks. The level of trust and respect that the goodly gentleman wants from me such that he feels comfortable in our relationship he is not willing to give.   

Funny thing is, I seem to encounter these types quite a lot.  I've always found that men who seem to have little to offer are some of the bravest, when it comes to courting.  Funny thing is, trying to explain my logic to these goodly gentlemen would still leave them clueless.  So you see why I sit and chuckle, painfully, at my life, at times.  Phew, it isn’t easy and it isn’t too nice but…it’s my life.   Got to return to reading for that paper and writing the darn thing!  Have a great day folks!

Until,